The Season of Almosts

by Rebecca Townsend, with Andy by my side

There are seasons in every marriage that don’t come with fireworks or slammed doors.

They come with small silences.

With glances that don’t quite meet.

With the ache of almost.

Almost reaching for a hand.

Almost asking for what you need.

Almost saying, please don’t roll over just yet.

We lived through one of those seasons.

The season of almosts.

And while it didn’t break us, it left us fragile…until something brave, outside of us, called us back to one another.

Not many people knew we were living apart. My sister knew. A couple of close friends knew.

We carried it quietly, half because we didn’t know what was next, half because we weren’t ready for the noise of opinions.

It was the final “almost.”

Almost calling it quits.

Almost letting the distance between our homes turn into a permanent one.

Here’s what saved us: it was a grand gesture, in its own quiet way.

Not flowers at the door or a cinematic reunion.

But two friends who loved us enough to call it out.

They said what we already knew but hadn’t admitted: we couldn’t stay in limbo forever.

Something had to shift, one way or another.

That conversation was the crack of light.

It didn’t fix everything, but it gave us the courage to risk a move back toward each other.

Slowly. Awkwardly. Honestly.

Step by step, we found our way closer again.

It wasn’t easy.

We didn’t just drift back together and call it good.

We sought professional help.

We each did our own work.

Andy leaned into the hardest kind of work:  learning how to name and feel emotions in the context of masculinity.

I had to face my own exhaustion, my over-functioning, and let go of the story that I was the only glue holding us together.

It was messy.

It was vulnerable.

And it was worth it.

We’re not perfect, but we’re the best we’ve ever been.

And we want it to keep getting better.

Like two dancers who know the steps by heart, but still find joy in surprising each other with new moves.

Because what holds us now isn’t just history, or habit, or almosts.

It’s the choice to keep doing the work, together and individually,

until our love grows stronger than we ever thought possible.

– Rebecca & Andy

Reflection Questions

1. Where in your relationship do you notice “almost” showing up, the places you hold back instead of risking honesty?
   
   
2. Who are the trusted voices in your life who could lovingly call you out, the way our friends did for us?
   
   
3. What’s one small, honest move you could make this week to shift from “almost” to fully showing up?