Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.
~ Steven Pressfield
Hello blank document.
I’ve been looking at you for a long time. Many mornings you’ve greeted me with your willingness to accept my thoughts as doctrine. You’ve offered me space – nothing but white space.
And yet, I’ve rejected the offer.
Instead, I become distracted by ancient voices that creep around in my core.
Those voices taunt me with an old recording of my anthem “You aren’t good enough.”
I wish it was a surprise visit and they were just passing through. Yet, this old record player is stuck.
I’m not really shocked to hear it because I’ve heard it for so long and it’s played quite loudly for many years.
I thought perhaps I had drowned out that voice with hard work and busy-ness.
But the familiar murmurs quickly become roars. These cries for attention have somewhat startled me, causing the forward movement to come to a screeching halt.
And I have been sitting at the crossroads of Resistance and Deliverance for months. I’ve been hiding behind a calendar of legitimate excuses.
The scheduled days would make anyone gasp for a breath of fresh air – but apparently I thrive on the poison they emit or stay emotionally drunk from the intoxication of this busy-ness. Or maybe I’m paralyzed by the conditions I’ve set.
I am afraid if I sit here for too long, I’m going to turn around and not travel this far again.
I am scared the archaic voices will take me back to the spot of fear and the words that merely seem stuck will never be loosened.
I don’t want to go backwards anymore. I don’t want old stories to haunt me and keep me quiet.
I know there is refinement through these days of abrasive buffing and polishing. I believe these stalls at crossroads are part of this journey.
I am only frustrated – not defeated.
I have a choice to make - continue on Resistance Road or turn on Deliverance Drive and brave the terrain, tackle what obstacles may come my way, and dare to be me.
In a game of Truth or Dare, perhaps my truth is to dare.
Believe. Create. Live.
© 2015 Rebecca G. Townsend