Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth
~ Pema Chodron
As much as I crave The Light, I find myself hiding in The Darkness. Not even stepping into the spaces of illumination that are in front of me.
The exposure, the brightness - even the assumed expectation – it is oddly suffocating rather than freeing.
I am paralyzed by the risks – the what if’s – the nudges to transform - the differences that are sure to be seen…and certain to be rejected.
I know movement, evolution, and ultimately a metamorphosis, can compromise the presumed equilibrium in the likes of all types relationships.
Am I strong enough to withstand one more false acceptance with curtness and cunning remarks that pierce the tender spots I finally allowed uncovered?
Even at 44 years old with almost 2 decades of therapy and countless hours of self-reflection and growth, I remain human. I remain tender.
The mystery of this pain is as distressing as the actual wound. Why can it be so great and take me back to places of such hurt?
Obviously, the work isn’t done. The journey isn’t over. These aches may always be part of me…polishing my heart and soul with each nudge of pain.
Will that be ok? Can I accept that this is the journey? My journey may be scattered with emotional minefields. Navigating these soul-piercing times will give me the fortitude and wisdom to pass along to other Journeyers I encounter.
I want growth. I want peace – not only for me, for others. I will be bold. I will be courageous. I am a brave Journeyer…and so are you.
Together, we will walk towards The Light.
Believe. Create. Live.
© 2015 Rebecca G. Townsend